THE PRAISE OF THE FRENCH POCKES.
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IT is the complaint of an ancient writer, Nulla tam modeſta fœli- citas eſt, que malignitatis dentes vitare poſſit: There was ne- uer any felicity, whether mode- rately ſeaſoned, or compleat in perfection, ſo happy; that could auoyde the griping teeth of enuie and backbiting. Out of which naturall in-bred malice, men doe not ſticke to defame and diſcredit the moſt noble and illuſtrious diſeaſe of the French Pocks, and to wrong thoſe that be the worthy ſubiects in whom they re- ſide: inſomuch that the very mention of them is ſo noyſome and offenſiue, and doth ſo much ouercome their ſtomacks, as the naming of the things which are the purgings of the belly, and are within the ward and bailiweeke of the girdle. Whereas the name of the Pocks is of ſo reuerend eſtimation, and ſoundeth ſo pleaſingly in the eares of them that are not paſſionate, that euen Diana her ſelfe whom the || <E4r>
Paynims adored for their Goddeſſe of Chaſtity and honeſty, tooke her name from them; whom the La- tines cal Bubones, the French Bubes, and the Spaniſh Buvas; ſo is ſhe called Bubastis. Yea, the famous ſtarre Bootes, which guides Charles his waine, admits theſe ſyllables into his name, and is called Bubulco. And why then ſhould men here on earth thinke skorne of this name, which is well brooked by ſtars of the firſt magnitude, and Goddeſſes of the faireſt beauty? But becauſe Deriuations doe many times driue words out of faſhion, and a notation of names is of all the Artificiall Arguments in Logick, one of the weakeſt, leſt, by ſeeking to lift the Paſty by one end, we marre all; let vs faſten vpon ſome thing more materiall, and from the originall of the word, come to the beginning of the thing. Amongſt thoſe rich treaſures, which Chriſtopher Columbus brought home into Spaine, after his diſco- uery of the Indyes, one of the chiefeſt was the Pockes; For in his Fleete (amongſt other fraught) were waſ- ted ouer certaine Indian Women, with whoſe hap- py conuerſation the Caſtilians came home plentiful- ly furniſhed with this holy contagion: Holy I call it, becauſe the cure of it is that, which they call lignum ſanctum, or Guaiacum; Holy, for the place, where it is healed, which is the Hoſpitall; called by the French, Maiſon-Dieu, & holy, becauſe they are great helpes to make them that haue them, Saints. For, whoſoeuer ſhall behold the outward mortification of a pocky companion, the delicacie of the tone of his voyce; his pale and meagre face; his wanne colour; and his whole body broken and diſioynted, that a man may ſhake all his bones together in his || <E4v>
skinne; and laſtly, ſhall ſee him wholy made a very picture and painted table of repentance; hee may ſee ſufficient tokens (at leaſt wiſe) of apparant holi- neſſe: for you neuer ſee fat panches, and plumpt cheekes, and idle fellowes euer admitted into the ſchoole of repentance; nor into the Stewes the workehouſe of Courtizans; nor in the Hoſpitall and Lazer-houſe of the Pock-rotten aduenturers. Among the three Capitall enemies which with fire and ſword doe aſſaile the ſoule, the greateſt of them, which is the fleſh, is wholy ſubdued by the Pocks: becauſe by them it is made vnable to exerciſe any vnlawfull act. Is there any thing in the world that doth more open the gates to holineſſe, then to take away the occaſions of ſinning? and what is there that hath more efficacie to withdraw a man or a woman from occaſions of euill, then this holy lea- proſie? for if a woman know that a man hath the Pocks, ſhe flies from him as a ragged ſheepe from a bramble-buſh. Againe, what greater token of ho- lineſſe can there be in a man, then to haue a ſenſe and feeling of his ſinnes? Now who is he that doth ſuffer greater griefe and paines for his ſinnes, then he that hath the Pocks? Who are more franke and more bountifull in gifts then ſuch men? for a Pock- maſter was neuer accounted a pild paltry fellow. For as when wee ſee a Black-moore croſſe the ſtreet, we ſay, ſpeaking by the contrary, There goes Iohn Blanco: or when we ſee a common woman, wee likewiſe ſay, There goes a good one: ſo we call this holy infection, the peeling diſeaſe, vnderſtanding that ſuch a one will part with his very skinne. All other aches and paines haue ſome enemy || F<r>
that may deſtroy them; or by a bill out of the Apo- thecaries ſhop, like a writ of Remoue, they may be diſlodged; but the Pocks haue made their peace with all drugs and confections, there is not found a- mong all the Phials and Gally-pots any ſimple, or ſyrop ſo powerfull, that can diſturbe the Pocks out of their poſſeſſion: whence it is plaine, that it is wrong- fully and abuſiuely called an infirmity: for the word infirmitie argueth and importeth want of firmenes; whereas the Pockes are ſo farre from not beeing firme, that to him that hath once caught them, they continue ſo firme, ſo ſtable and ſo well ſettled; that they neuer forſake him, but accompany him to his graue; and I thinke, into Purgatory too, becauſe no lenitiues, or purgations, can either aſſwage their paine, or driue them out; ſurely ſo good a thing ne- uer goes to Hell. They that ſet out the worth and greatneſſe of that excellent Poet Homer, aſcribe it much to his ho- nour, that hee drew his beginning from many Ci- ties and Iſlands, as Smyrna, Rhodos, Colophon and the like: how much greater is the honour of this ſprea- ding gangren of the Pocks, which deriues his deſcent not from Ilands and Citties, but from great king- domes and Prouinces. Some call it the Neopolitane diſeaſe; others the French euill; ſome the ſcab of Spaine, others the Indian Sarampion or tetter, and ring-worme; Others that ſpeake with ſome reuerence and reſpect to theſe Lady-miſtreſſes, they feare to vſurpe their proper name; they do not ſay plainly to a man, You are a Pockie-knaue, but rather Vous auez, ſir, ye are pepper’d; and indeed ſuch is the dignity and greatnes of this malander, that they ſpeake of || <Fv>
it, after the ſtile of Kings and Dukes and Grandes, in the plurall number. For whereas we commonly call blaines and ſores in the ſingular number, the ſcurfe, or the ſcabbe, or the Wincheſter gooſe, theſe are all ſaluted in the plurall number, the Pocks, as if they ſhould ſtile themſelues nos bubones, & puſtule Galli- cane. And well doth this ſtile agree vnto them, be- cauſe they deale royally and nobly with their atten- dants; for whereas in Princes Courts they that are ſuiters, do not ſee an end of their pretenſions in ma- ny yeares, and when all comes to all, they ſeldome reape the fifth part of what they ſued for: theſe no- bles do ſoone diſpatch all that negotiate with them, or plead at their barres, wonderfully well prouided for. Now let not any man obiect as an inconuenient, that the Pocks do peele all thoſe that are of their fra- ternity & liuery, & make them as bald as an egge: for if we conſider it, they do vnto them no therein ſmall benefit: For looke what proportion the leaues beare to the Tree, feathers to a Bird, the ſame haue the haires and the buſh-naturall to a man, that is, they are giuen both for an ornament and a defence; for a couering and for comlineſſe. And ſeeing that Nature doth do trees a fauour, in making them to ſhead their leaues, and Fowles to moulter their feathers, that ſo ſhe may dight them and cloath them yeerely with new; ſhee doth not deale ſo with men, but leaues them to themſelues, to effect it by their own induſtry and prouidence, wher- unto when they are diſpoſed to moulter and to doe off their perriwigs or perruques, the Pocks in this caſe is Natures agent, which doth maintaine her || F2<r>
ſelfe with that which is moſt delicate in that ſubiect, ſuch as are the thin lockes of the head, the daintines of the eye-liddes and the eye-browes; the venerable beards, & the moſt valiant muſtaches: for neuer any timerous and white-liuered cowards haue the Pocks, but the moſt foole-hardie aduenturers are admitted into this corporation. It is a rule infallible, that men are vſually ſuch as are thoſe with whom they conuerſe. And who are they (I pray you) that are moſt hanted with the Pocks but noble Lords, Caualiers, and men of high pa- rentage? The plow-ſwaine or day-labourer neuer knew that there was any ſuch thing in the world as the Pocks; ſuch is their miſerable ignorance; nor yet the Porters or Carre-men are greatly troubled with this Luggage in their owne perſons, neither doe they euer deſcend ſo low as to chare-maids and Tankard-bearers. But you muſt ſeeke for them a- mongſt the luſty[1] gallants, and gay Ladies that ruffle it in ſilkes, and outward brauery. And therefore may it pleaſe thee to be aduertiſed, gentle Reader, whoſoeuer thou be that[2] ſtandeſt vpon complement; that whenſoeuer thou ſhalt ſalute ſuch a Ladie or Caualier in the ſtreet, by vailing thy bonnet, know, that by that obeyſance thou doſt homage to two Grandes and great perſonages at once, one to the party principall that is obuious to thy eye, the other to the Pocks which he carrieth about him. How doth the world dote vpon Aſtrologers and Starre-gazers, that can foretell and diuine of things to come, whether they bee the writers of the Greeke Menologies and Calenders of the Month- ly variation of dayes; or Prognoſtications of the || <F2v>
changes of the Moone: or dayes Almanackes for the alteration of the weather? Whereas there is no Aſtrologer more vveather-wiſe[3] then a Pock-ma- ſter, or whoſe predictions are more certaine: for, if there be any change of weather or ſeaſon appro- ching, preſently the intrinſecall Accidents that cleaue to his bones & ſinews, do giue him a perfect notice of it, in that he feeleth an ache in euery com- miſſure of his ioints, and his bones doe euen rat- tle in his skinne. Adde hereunto, that men thus affected (or infe- cted rather) haue this great priuiledge aboue o- ther men, that although they be in vaſſallage, and ſlaues by condition, yet are they obſerued and re- ſpected as abſolute Lords; and are ſerued of euery bodie, whereas they ſerue none but God, whom by the Pocks they are brought to remember. And ſee, I pray you, to what a Lordlineſſe they are ad- uanced, in that not onely their perſons are in a manner ſacred, and may not be approched, but at a certaine diſtance; but whatſoeuer is about them, and belongs to their neceſſary vſe, cannot ſafely be touched of any man, as if they were ſome holy Re- liques; For no man dares to lye in their bed, or to weare their clothes, or to drinke in their cup, or to ſit in their chaires; men willingly withdrawing them- ſelues from theſe things, as from veſſels conſecra- ted to this great Idoll of the Buboſitie. Howbeit, it is not greatly to be maruailed at; that the Pocks haue attained to ſo high a pitch and pre- rogatiue of excellency, conſidering that the ſame act and operation, and the ſame inſtruments which Nature imployeth to produce a man, which is the || F3<r>
nobleſt of her creatures; the ſame are alſo the ge- nerature cauſes of the Pocks; I meane, the great and honourable Pocks: for thoſe other puſhes and in- flammations that ariſe in the body, of cold, or from an ouer-heated and exulcerated liuer, are not pro- perly pocks, but pouts and pimples. So then, this reaſon being conſidered, the Pocks may very iuſtly take ſtate vpon them, and ſtand vpon puntillos of honour, and out-braue a man to his face and ſay, that they are iſſued from as good Parents as he. And ſurely it ſeemes no leſſe; for as they that are nobly borne, the better to ſhew their greatneſſe and to maintain their ſtate, they liue retiredly in the inmoſt and remoteſt roomes of their houſe: ſo do the Pocks, out of the ſame rule and reaſon of State, keep reſi- dence in the very bones and the marrow of him that hath them; which is the reaſon alſo why for their birth and honourable ranke, they finde place and in- tertainment in Loues Court, into which nothing is ad- mitted, but what ſauoureth either of greatneſſe or of goodneſſe, as braue, reſolute and determinate men; gallant and faire women; free diſcourſe; wanton witty Poems, and plenty of great Pocks. And laſt- ly, what greater token can there be of a Noble Na- ture, then to ſhew thankfulneſſe to thoſe that haue ſuffered any thing for their ſakes, or done ought to procure their good? in which kind of retribution the Pocks are no way deficient. For whereas the noſe in the purchaſe of the Pocks doth ſuffer a kind of le- ſion and hurt by the arroſion of its griſtle; to make it ample amends and ſatisfaction; the pocks doe make the noſe the trumpet, or horn-pipe of their owne prayſes; whoſe gracefull tone varied Chro- || <F3v>
matically vpon the muſicks and halfe-notes of ſnuf- fing and ſnorting, is much like the vntamed voice and braying of Silenus his hobby-horſe. Now if there be any man ſo ill an husband, that amongſt other things of his owne getting and acqui- ſition hath not been ſo happy, as to become owner of the pocks; let him blame himſelfe for an vnthrift, that hath miſ-pent his time; and ſay, that hee is without them, becauſe they are not within him: or with the Spaniard, that hee wants them, becauſe he is not worthy of them:
Yo no las padezco, Porque no las merezco.
Carneſtoliendas de Caſtilla. Noche tercera.
FINIS.
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Latrator Anubis Sanctaq, Buba- ſtis, Ouid Meta. lib. 9. [Cornwallis’s own note].
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[1] From comparison with witness B162, as witness A is unreadable.
[2] From comparison with witness B166, as witness A is unreadable.
[3] Typo for “weather-wiſe”.